Why dating is like buying a car. Choose wisely. Here's my advice.

I've been without a real car for almost 2 years now and not having one has been somewhat cathartic. The stress of putting gas into it, keeping it running and worrying about accidents is non-existent for me. But it recently occurred to me that if I ever have to purchase a car it would be a lot like dating. Here's why:

When you're car shopping the goal is generally to get the best car for your money. But at times this is such a stressful event that you either act impulsively and spend more than you meant to or you just test drive everything and still walk away empty handed. You ultimately leave without getting the car that's right for you. When you decide to finally make a decision, choose wisely because depending on your selection, you may end up with a lemon or a costly piece of junk.

Sometimes all you can afford (or want) is a hooptie. But hoopties are only a good choice if you buy them with the understanding that they’re only there to serve a specific purpose. If they do, great. But if they don't, don’t get mad when the engine dies, leaving you stuck on the side of the road at 3:00am with no cell phone signal when it’s 5 degrees outside. You knew what you were buying when you plunked down that $500. And all that talk about fixing it up and making it into a stunna was just talk so quit fooling yourself. Unless your main profession is fixing up hoopties, don’t waste your time trying to convince yourself - or the hooptie - that one day you’re gonna make it a star.

If you select an older model that’s not quite at hooptie status but still has a lot of miles on it, be aware that the mileage still means something important. For example, a five year old car with 100,000 miles has obviously been driven reeeaaallll hard by someone else. Be cautious. This isn't to say it can't be a good car. And, having a lot of miles may not even be totally bad (highway versus city miles). The point is, that's someone else’s mile you’ll have to deal with, and that is something you have to be aware of and make the proper concessions for. A car with that many miles needs extra TLC, may have to sit for a while until the years catch up, or may need a lot of upkeep. If you're impatient, don't want to devote the time to ensuring you don't add even more miles to an already stressed engine or you can't handle the fact that someone else's behind has been in "your" seat 100,000 miles strong, move on.

Let’s say the reverse is true. You see a car that’s five years old but only has 10,000 miles on it. Now, the average person would jump all over this car because the assumption is that whoever owned it took really good care of it. That’s possible. But the other possibility is that whoever owned it also neglected it or used it only as their second car; which may mean they didn’t love it or care for it as much as their primary car. So what are some potential issues with this car? It may suffer from “low car esteem” and the result could be a lot of minor breakdowns. The car will have constant issues because it needs and wants your attention. The hoses may be rotted out, the plugs may need changing or the wheels may be bad. Give this car the attention it deserves because the previous owner may not have. And for the record, this could very well be the best car you ever bought. Just make sure you understand that all that glitters ain’t gold. This car has deeper issues than you can see on the surface and will need work, regardless of what the dealer tells you.

Aaaaahhh, that new car smell. Isn’t it great? And don’t you just love looking at those shiny wheels, hearing that engine purr like a baby and rubbing on that smooth leather? Yes, it’s great isn’t it? Of course it is. But keep in mind that nothing is new forever. At some point that new car will become that “old” car. Are you in it just for the new car smell or is this a car you’d like to make the family car? Buyer beware. If you don’t plan on being good to that car when it’s not so new anymore, that car won’t be good to you either. Cars can sense when their owners are getting tired of them so don’t get mad when it fails to start up just as you’re about to leave for All-Star Weekend or breaks down or your way to the club with the boys. It’s trying to tell you something. Everything has a shelf-life. Some things just last longer when you take better care of them.

If everyone could afford a high class luxury vehicle almost everyone would buy one. Why? Because they’re so good to look it, they make heads turn, they make your friends jealous and they can make you feel like you’re the boss out this mutha. But there’s a reason we can’t all afford to buy that $100k car. Yes, the operative word is AFFORD. High maintenance vehicles should only be purchased by people who can AFFORD to keep them looking, running and smelling good. That luxury ride comes with a luxury price tag and luxury sized problems. You can’t just feed it unleaded gas and expect it to run smoothly forever. Only premium will do, and no, not the premium from Gas-N-Go or Budget Gas. Secondly, that kind of ride needs to be in a garage, has to be washed and waxed regularly, needs to sit on some 20s and must be kept looking good at all times. If you can’t treat it like it should be treated, walk away or you will be sorry.

Of course the best kind of car to buy is always the sensible, reliable kind. These cars have reasonable mileage, don’t require costly maintenance and have a good track record for safety. They also come with a good performance rating and previous owners usually speak highly of them. They may not always be the shiniest, hottest or most expensive car on the lot but they look good if you keep them clean. These cars will always be good to you if you’re good to them. This is not to say that a seemingly reliable car can’t go bad. Of course they can. Sometimes it’s a manufacture defect and sometimes it’s just bad luck. Either way, don’t dwell on the fact that you picked a bad car. It wasn't the right car for you. Trade it in or find another one. Just don't destroy it, abuse it or drive it into the ground before you do.

So what’s the moral of the story? Sometimes you never know how good or bad a car is for you until you get it. However, you always have to remember that you had a choice when you picked it. If you chose a lemon because you never checked the vehicle history, don’t be mad at the car for that. Be mad at yourself. Also don’t ever think that a quick tune-up fixes everything. Some cars are OK with just a tune up every once in a while because they are built tough. Other cars, however, require constant maintenance and long-term care. If you don’t have it in you to deal with all the possible issues that come with having a hooptie, used car, high-cost luxury vehicle, or even a regular car, don’t buy one. Instead, do like I do and walk, ride the bus or take the train until you can.

On this momentus day

I have nothing negative to say. Seeing the sea of faces out on the National Mall reassures me that if we truly put our differences aside, and recognize that we are different, we can come together like a force of nature. It's impossible for someone to overlook the power that was harnessed today. And, even as history was being made, for a slight moment, I even became empathetic to our exiting President. What we have to realize is that each of us have our own demons and each of us have our own crosses to bear. If we remember that the person next to us is just as vulnerable and flawed as we are we can be more compassionate. I hope that some of what I saw today isn't the last time I see it. Men, women and children hugged and congratulated each other as they stood on the lawn. Hopefully, this will not be the last time that we see people come together for a common cause. So much can be accomplished once we overlook our differences and take more so into account our human similarities. Personally, I was moved. And as I sat in front of the TV waiting for Obama's swearing in, I said a prayer for all of us. Whether people think Barck Obama is going to lead "us" to the promise land is irrelevant. My thoughts, let's lead each other.
Peace

I'm back snitches!!

I know some of you were missing my blog entries something awful so I've decided to bless you with them once again. The Black Paradox is back in effect. Word to the mutha. Unfortunately, I will not be talking about Dumb "You Know Whats" or their moments. I am trying my BEST to abolish that word from my vocab (we shall overcome!) However, I will be my usual crazy self and impart some of my wisdom where I can. So without further adieu, here is my first entry for 2009. Facebook done got me all motivated.

And by the way, don't look for these blogs to come with any regularity because the Gemini in me just can't promise regularity. I am like a box of Chocolate. You just never know what you're gonna get. ENJOY!

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I swear, people really need to learn how to adhere to the 'elbow rule.' The elbow rule is very simple. If I am in a public place, and standing in line, you should not be so close to me that my elbow, when extended, touches you. In other words, if I can put my hands on my hips, and form my elbow to a crooked 90 degree angle, and it touches you, you need to back the hell up off me. Quickly. Two people violated the elbow rule today and it took everything in my power (and only by the grace of a Black man 'bout to become President of these United States) to not ask them if they wanted to go out on a date. I mean, really. If you're THAT close to me, you better know me -- and know me really, really well.

Here are a few more clues for some of you violators out there (and I know there's got to be at least one of you in the crowd):

1) If I can feel or smell your hot, funky breath on the back of my neck when I'm in the grocery line, you need to back up off me.

2) If the front of your shoe touches the back of my shoe while I'm waiting to mail off my packages in the post office, you need to back up off me.

3) If any part of your body touches my body while I'm getting movie tickets, you need to back up off me.

Read and heed people. If you are an offender, take note. It's time for Change.